Secretes of a successful marriageOgba Victor
1. Establish your own private home.
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Genesis 2:24<
Answer: God’s rule is specific. A married couple must leave father and mother and establish their own home, even if finances require that it be a one-room apartment.
Husband and wife should decide together on such policies as these. Then she should inform her relatives and he, his. They must remain firm no matter who opposes. Thousands of divorces would be avoided if this rule were carefully followed.
2. Continue your courtship.
“Above all hold unfailing your love for one another, since love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8, RSV.* “Her husband … praiseth her.” Proverbs 31:28. “She that is married careth … how she may please her husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:34. “Be kindly affectioned one to another … in honour preferring one another.” Romans 12:10.
Answer: Continue (or perhaps revive) the courtesies of courtship in your married life. Successful marriages do not just happen they must be developed.
Don’t take each other for granted, or the monotony that results will destroy your marriage. Keep love growing by expressing love for one another or it will die, and you will drift apart.
Love and happiness are not found by seeking them for yourself, but rather by giving them to others. So spend as much time as possible doing things together if you would get along well.
Learn to greet each other with enthusiasm. Relax, visit, shop, sightsee, eat together. Don’t overlook the little courtesies, encouragements, and affectionate acts.
Surprise each other with little gifts or favors. Try to “outlove” each other. Don’t take more out of marriage than you put into it. Divorce itself is not the greatest destroyer of marriage, but rather, lack of love. Given a chance, love always wins.
3 Remember that God joined you together in marriage.
“For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife. … Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Matthew 19:5, 6.
Answer: Has love almost disappeared from your home? The devil (that notorious home-breaker) is responsible for this.
Don’t forget that God Himself joined you together in marriage, and He intends for you to stay together and be happy. He will bring happiness and love into your lives if you will obey His divine rules (commandments).
“With God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26. Don’t despair. God, who places love in the heart of a missionary for a leprous savage, can easily give you love for each other if you will let Him.
4. Guard your thoughts–don’t let your senses trap you.
“For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.” Proverbs 23:7. “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife.” Exodus 20:17. “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” Proverbs 4:23. “Whatsoever things are true, … honest, … just, … pure, … lovely, … of good report; … think on these things.” Philippians 4:8.
Answer: The wrong kind of thinking will destroy your marriage.
The devil will trap you with thoughts like these: “Our marriage was a mistake.” “She doesn’t understand me.”
“I can’t take much more of this.” “We can always divorce if necessary.” “I’ll go home to mother.” “He smiled at that woman.”
Stop thinking thoughts like these or your marriage is gone, because your thoughts and senses govern your actions. Avoid seeing, saying, reading, or hearing anything that (or associating with anyone who) suggests impurity or unfaithfulness.
Thoughts uncontrolled are like an automobile in neutral on a hill. Anything can happen, and the result is always disaster.
5. Never retire for the night angry with each other.
“Let not the sun go down upon your wrath.” Ephesians 4:26. “Confess your faults one to another.” James 5:16. “Forgetting those things which are behind.” Philippians 3:13. “Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32.
Answer: To remain angry and upset over hurts and grievances (big or little) is exceedingly dangerous.
Unless quickly solved, even little problems become set in your mind as convictions and attitudes adversely affecting your whole philosophy of life. This is why God says to let anger cool before retiring at night.
Be big enough to forgive and to say with sincerity, “I’m sorry.” After all, no one is perfect, and you are both on the same team, so be sportsmanlike enough to honestly admit a mistake when you make it.
Besides, making up is a very pleasant experience, with unusual powers to draw marriage partners closer together. God suggests it! It works!
6. Keep Christ in the center of your home.
“Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it.” Psalms 127:1. “In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” Proverbs 3:6. “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7.
Answer: This is the greatest rule. It really covers all the others. Put Christ first! The real secret of true happiness in the home is not diplomacy, strategy, and untiring effort to overcome problems, but rather, union with Christ.
Hearts filled with Christ’s love can never be very far apart. With Christ in the home, marriage will be successful.
The gospel is the cure for all marriages that are filled with hatred, bitterness, and disappointment. It prevents thousands of divorces by miraculously restoring love and happiness.
It will save your marriage, too, if you are willing.
7. Pray together.
“Pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Matthew 26:41. “Pray one for another.” James 5:16. “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally.” James 1:5.
Answer: Pray aloud for each other! This is a wonderful rule that succeeds beyond the wildest dream.
Kneel before God and ask Him for true love for one another, for forgiveness, for strength, for wisdom–for the solution to problems.
God has given a personal guarantee that He will answer. The praying person is not automatically cured of all of his faults, but he will have a heart that wants to do right.
No family ever breaks up while sincerely praying together for God’s help.